Miss/Ms./Mrs.? Manners

I am a perfectionist and a stickler for rules.  I am the one who will read all the rules of a board game and call you on it if you aren't doing something correctly.  I am the one who will sit down and actually read through company policies and procedures.  That is why it was so difficult for me address my invitations.  I searched online for proper etiquette but got conflicting information everywhere I looked.  For example, for an unmarried couple living together, I found three different "correct ways" to address the invitation: 1) Woman first, 2) Alphabetically by last name, and 3) Person you know better first.  What is a rule-follower to do when the rules aren't clear?!  Well, I decided to make my own rules.  I still want to be "proper" but decided that modern etiquette has changed a bit from the stiff, formal traditions of the past.  Here are some of my more "rebellious' decisions.

On the outer envelopes, I strayed a bit from the etiquette that states that envelopes should be hand-written in cursive or calligraphied.  Labels were definitely a no-no for me, but with my ugly handwriting and all the beautiful fonts out there these days, I decided to print my envelopes.  I considered fauxlligrahy, but with so much other stuff going on, I actually forgot about it until the invites were in the mail.


When it came to addressing the invites, I made sure to spell out all street names and states.  This got excessively long when I had to write "457 Northeast One Hundred Thirty-Seventh Avenue, Apartment 4B" instead of "457 NE 137th Avenue #4B".  On a side note, this actually caused some friction with my favorite postman (aka Dad) because it conflicts with the USPS guidelines on addressing envelopes.  Did you know that you're not supposed to put a comma between the city and state abbreviation?  I didn't...something to keep in mind for my non-wedding invitation correspondence.

I also researched the proper use of Miss, Ms., and Mrs., particularly in cases of divorced women, widows, and married women who kept their last name.  The rules were not always clear here either, but here is the simple rules I followed:

Miss - I did not use this title, which is generally reserved for young girls.  Young girls are not listed on the outer envelope, and since I was doing informal inner envelopes, there was no need to use the title.

Mrs. - I only used this title when a woman was currently married and took the name of her husband (in which case the envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe), or when a woman was widowed and never remarried (Mrs. Jane Doe).

Ms. - I used this title in all other situations -- single women, divorced women (whether they kept their married name or reverted to their maiden name), married women who kept their maiden name, married women who hyphenated their name, and women who's status I was unsure of.

In my research, it seems to depend on the region or culture you grew up in.  Some women prefer to be called "Mrs." if they are married, regardless of their last name.  Others find it sexist to be called Mrs. John Doe.  Others feel that the term Ms. refers to a spinster with nine cats who never got married.  Personally, I would be fine being called Ms., so I went with that.  I am probably over-thinking the whole issue and doubt many of my guests would even pay attention to this detail.


For the inner envelopes, I decided to address guests casually because it sounds more personal to me.  I feel weird addressing my little brother as "Mr. Smith" when I would never call him that in real life (except maybe in a sarcastic tone).  So my inner envelopes had first names for friends and familial titles (i.e. Aunty Jane, Grandma, Uncle Bob) for relatives.

On the RSVP cards, I indicated the number of seats that had been reserved for the party.  I know this is supposed to be dictated by the inner envelope, but I think a lot of people just aren't familiar with proper etiquette and may overlook this.  For example, the inner envelope may just say John, but John might not know that this means a guest is not invited.  I also avoided using phrases like "accepts with pleasure" and "declines with regret".  Who am I to assume a guest is accepting with joy or declining with regret.  A minor issue, but a "rule" I decided to follow.  If you want to get really technical, I also read that a "proper" RSVP is a note from the invitee, not checking off boxes.  I decided not to go this route, because if I sent a blank RSVP card, I doubt many people would know what to do with it.

Overall, I did what made the most sense to me.  From my research online, it seems clear that there are not many people who really know what the proper etiquette is, and even less that actually care.  I learned a lot in the process and feel satisfied with what I did.  Are you concerned with proper etiquette, or did you stray from the rules?

I Love Early RSVPers!

Okay, I admit it.  I am one of those dreaded people that wait until the last minute to RSVP to an invitation.  Even if I know what my response is, there is something in my mind that thinks it is too difficult to check a box and find a mailbox for the stamped, self-addressed envelope.  I guess I figured that if they asked for a response by December 31, there was no need to respond any earlier.  Now that I am the one trying to plan an event, that has changed...I vow never to wait until the last-minute to RSVP (or worse yet, RSVP late or not at all)!

It's only been three days since we sent out our invitations, and I've already received ten RSVPs!  Each one I receive feels like a step closer to the big day.  It's so exciting!

Invitation Feedback

Our guests have started receiving our invitations, and we've received a lot of compliments.  The greatest compliments are probably the ones from people who that thought we got it done professionally and didn't believe that we had done it all ourselves.  It makes all the hard work worth it, and Mr. Pug is so proud of us.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

After months of planning the design, hours of printing, days of assembling, and double-triple-quadruple checking the guestlist, our invitations are finally complete!  We were aiming to send out invites the first week of December to beat the holiday rush.  We're a little behind schedule, but not bad overall.

Now let me preface this by saying that I am a huge dork.  My dad works at the post office, and he could have easily taken it in to drop it off for me, BUT I just had to get a picture of myself at the post office with the invitations.

In fact, the picture you see of me dropping the invitations in the mail slot is posed and I never actually dropped them in.

You see, being the anal detail-oriented bride that I am, I wanted to get my invitations hand-canceled to avoid the ugly bar codes on the envelopes and lessen the risk of being mangled by a machine.


I consulted with my own personal postman and he was able to get my invitations hand-canceled for me.  Here I am at the post office handing off my invitations to my favorite postman.

They are out of my hands now, and I can cross off a huge item on my checklist.  Now I just need to wait for the RSVPs to come rolling in!

An Imposter!

I logged onto the Weddingbee website today, and what did I find???


The Pug icon has been adpoted!!! I immediately went searching for her first post where she introduced herself to see if she is anything like moi. Well, turns out she is Asian, loves horrible TV shows (i.e. Girls Next Door), and (most importantly) has a little puggie just like me! She even describes herself as a "big dork"...sounding more and more like me every sentence! I guess she is worthy of the "Miss Pug" name...let's just hope I don't let us down...

Invitation Photo Shoot

The invitations are complete!  They were a lot of work, and I'm not sure if they really came out that much cheaper than if I were to purchase them.  I do feel quite accomplished, though, and I am eager to show them off!

 I bought most of my paper from Paper and More.  I am extremely happy with the quality of their paper, the speed of delivery, and their excellent customer service.  I had received a set of pockets that got damaged in the mail.  When I wrote to them to explain what happened, they immediately (seriously, within 10 minutes after I sent the email) apologized and had another set of pockets being sent to me free-of-charge.  I highly recommend them.

Except where noted, everything was handcut using a paper cutter (I had about 10 different cutters on hand and experimented to see which worked best).  Everything was matted down using 5mm acid-free double-stick tape from Heiko.  I used about 5 rolls to create 200 invitations.

 

The Outer Envelope

The outer envelopes were a last-minute purchase I made when I was deciding how to address my invitations.  Originally, I had planned to just use one envelope and include a belly band with the guests names printed on them.  In my current design, however, this didn't work.  In order to clarify who was invited, I decided to use both an inner and outer envelope.  I also wanted to protect my beautiful metallic inner envelope from damage in the mail.  It was a little difficult to find envelopes the right size - 7.5" x 5.5".  It is sometimes called A7.5 envelopes, as it is designed to fit 7.25" x 5.25" A7 envelopes.  I found these white linen envelopes on Paper Presentation for a great price.  I printed them on a home laser printer, and they turned out great.  The font I used is called Feel Script.  I used my new Hand Embosser to emboss the return address on the back flap.

The Inner Envelope

I really liked the sample White Metallic Linen envelopes I had ordered from Paper & More ($0.28 each), but Cards & Pockets has recently started selling metallic euro-flap envelopes, and they were a great price ($0.17 each).  I decided to save some money and go with the envelopes from Cards & Pockets.  I printed them on a home laser printer, and they turned out great.  The font I used is called Feel Script.

Envelope Liner and Pocketfold

The envelope liners were designed using a digital stamp I created in Photoshop.  I literally laid out each individual flourish to cover a letter-sized paper.  I used a laser printer to print the design onto Metallic Linen Text paper.  The difficult part was that I had to print each sheet individually.  If I tried printing multiple copies at one time, the printer was not able to properly feed the paper because it was a little slippery.  I bought an envelope liner set from Paper-Source, but it did not work with the envelopes I bought.  I created my own template from a manila folder, then traced the shape on the back of each sheet of printed paper.  I hand-cut each liner using a scissors.  These babies were perhaps the most labor-intensive, but adds so much to the invitation.  They were definitely worth it!

Close-up of the Monogram

I knew the small squares would be difficult to cut precisely, so I ordered pre-cut cardstock squares from Cards and Pockets.  The price was reasonable, it saved me a lot of time, and the cuts were precise.  I cut the white squares myself after printing the monograms on letter paper (I fit the monograms onto the same sheets with the invitations and maps -- see below).  This was a bit difficult, and I ended up with some crooked cuts.  Luckily, I had a bunch of extra, so I was able to just pick the best and toss the rest.

The Invitation

Here is what I used to make the invitation you see above (all paper is from Paper and More):

- 5"x7" Bronze Pocketfold

I actually preferred the Bronze color at Cards and Pockets, but the pockets from Paper and More were cheaper and had a wider pocket.  The color difference was slight.

- 4.75" x 6.75" Purple Punch Text Paper

I was initially going to cut this myself from a letter-sized paper, but for a small price, Paper and More was able to do it more quickly and greater precision.  Also, if they happened to make a mistake, they would have to replace the paper.  The $5 I paid to have them do it was well worth it.

- 4.5" x 6.5" Metallic Linen Text Paper

I did cut this myself because it was easier to print as whole sheets, and I was able to squeeze 2 invitations and 9 monograms onto one sheet of paper to utilize as much of it as I could.  I was lucky enough to have access to a commercial Xerox printer to print my invitations.  I had gone a week earlier to do a test-run and verify that 1) the printer could handle my paper, and 2) that the ink would stick on my metallic linen paper.  Once the invitation was printed and cut, I used a Fresh Impressions paper punch to create the flower and stuck a 3mm clear rhinestone sticker in the center.

- 4" x 6.75" Metallic Linen Cardstock

I cut this myself also, as I printed 2 maps and 4 monograms on a page.  I also laid out the paper so that I would have a 1.25" x 11" blank strip that I would use for the belly bands.

- 5.25" x 4" Metallic Linen Cardstock

I was able to fit 4 RSVP postcards on one sheet of paper.  The USPS requirements for a postcard are that they be 5" x 3.5" x 0.007" at a minimum and 6" x 4.25" x .016" at a maximum.  In addition, the length to width aspect ratio must be between 1.3 and 2.5.  This was one of the most difficult items to cut because my printer was not capable of bleed printing (or I did not know how to do it), so it left a white border around the page.  Also, the RSVP cards needed to be printed front and back.  I did all the fronts then all the backs because the duplexer kept jamming with the slippery metallic cardstock.

The Map

Since many of my guests are local and familiar with the island, I didn't think it was necessary to include a map of how to get to the hotel.  Instead, I created a hotel map to help guests find the ceremony and reception locations once they get to the hotel.  I hand-drew the map in Power Point and laid out the card in Photoshop.

The Front of the RSVP Card

The front of the RSVP card is visible in the pocket when you open up the invitation.  Unfortunately, the only post card stamp the US Postal Service currently has is a blue polar bear.  It doesn't really match my tropical theme, but it will have to do.  I didn't want to design my own stamp because of the cost.  I had chosen to go with the RSVP postcard specifically for budget reasons.

The Back of the RSVP Card

Although it may not be proper etiquette, we decided to include a line that indicates how many seats are reserved for each party.  While we used the inner envelopes to spell out exactly who was invited, we wanted to be clear, especially because our number of invited guests already exceeded the venue's capacity.

UV Pen Numbering of RSVPs

Because guests sometimes forget to write their names on the RSVP card, it is a good idea to number your cards so that when you get a response with no name, you are able to track down the guest it belongs to.  We took it a step further by ordering a UV Light Pen to write the numbers in invisible ink.

Whew!  A lot of work, but I'm quite proud of them.  I was also very lucky to have the help of Mama Pug, Uncle Pug, my maid of honor, her boyfriend, and of course, Mr. Pug.  I couldn't have done it without them!

Wedding Shower #1

I am very blessed and had quite a few people tell me they wanted to throw me a shower when they heard I was engaged.  This allowed me to have several small showers rather than one big one.  I opted for this because it would make the shower less of a financial burden for the host, and I would be able to spend more time with each of the guests.  Plus I hate being the center of attention...although, I don't quite know which is worse -- being the BIG center of attention once or being a smaller center of attention four times.

Tonight Mr. Pug's cousin threw me a shower at Pearl Country Club with all of Mr. Pug's family.  I hadn't met his whole family before, so it was good to finally meet all of them.  Men were included in this shower, and I'm glad Mr. Pug was there with me to keep me company and shoulder some of the attention.

We ate dinner, played games, and opened presents.  Cousin Pug did a great job organizing and incorporated a lot of little details like orchids (the "theme" of our wedding), fortune cookies with personalized fortunes, and a delicious lemon crunch cake.  We left with a carload of gifts and lots of food to take home.  Mr. Pug and I are so lucky to have such thoughtful and generous family!

A Second Chance

Remember my dress dilemma?  Mr. Pug gave me permission to go dress shopping and try on other dresses.  David's Bridal recently opened it's first store in Hawaii, so we ventured over on a whim to see if they could fit us in.  When we got there, we registered at the front desk and our sales consultant, Daisy, came to get an idea of what we were looking for.  I told her strapless mermaid, no preference on color.  We gathered 3 dresses to try on, picked out some shoes, and she brought me some undergarments to use.

The first dress was a white trumpet style gown that I had liked on the website:

 I didn't care for the way the bottom flared out, and it just looked a little "messy".

Dress 2 was a satin ivory gown:

 

It felt a little plain, but I did like the ivory color better than the harsh white from the first dress.  Daisy agreed and thought that I would really like dress number 3 because it combined the elements I liked from the two dresses.

Dress number three is an ivory satin mermaid gown with a little beading at the neckline:

Daisy was right!  I loved it.  The dress somehow gave me a waist and the material was so soft.  It was comfy, and most importantly, I felt beautiful!  Mr. Pug liked it too!  I walked around in the store with it on for a bit deciding if I should take the plunge.  At this point Mr. Pug was all for it...there was just one problem...the week was less than 13 weeks away.  Ordering a dress in my size would take 12-15 weeks.  Daisy thought there might be a possibility it would come in earlier, but we didn't really want to take that chance.  She made a few phone calls to see when they could get it in.  February 7th...one day after the wedding.  I was bummed.  Daisy checked the computers to see if other stores had the dress in my size on the racks.  All petite dresses are special ordered, so I would have to get the regular size and have it hemmed.  The other downside is that it would cost $105 to get it shipped to the Hawaii store.  I was already over my dress budget (since I bought the first dress), so this new dress plus shipping plus alterations would be too much.  Then I got an idea...I asked which stores had the dress in my size, and one happened to be in Oregon near my brother's house.  I made the phone call to my brother to see if he could run down to the store, Daisy called the store to relay the information to them, and I called my mom to see if she could pick up my dress on her next flight to Oregon.  Half an hour later, I had purchased the dress (no tax -- bonus!) and just had to be patient while I waited for it to come home.  How exciting!  I never teared up or got "that feeling," but I love the dress and can't wait to wear it for the wedding.

Registering Blues

When it comes to registering, I had a picture in my head of a happy, trigger-happy couple prancing around a store with a scan gun in hand merrily pointing it at anything and everything that me their fancy.  I searched online for a picture but came up short...really, I have no idea where this picture in my head came from.  Must have been a movie.  Anyways, that pretty picture in my head is soooo not what registering was like for me and Mr. Pug.

First of all, we currently live together and have all the basics.  Granted, they are not the best quality and we usually eat out of paper plates and use plastic forks, but that is mostly by choice (I am too lazy to wash dishes).  I would love to upgrade our dinnerware, silverware, drinkware, appliances, etc. BUT, we are currently renting a tiny duplex, and we barely have enough room for what we currently own.  If only I could delay my registering until the day we find a house to buy...

So, we considered not registering.  Mr. Pug actually thought only mainland people registered, not people in Hawaii.  While it's true that Hawaii people generally give money for weddings, I knew that there would be some guests who might not feel comfortable with that and others that would want to buy actual things for the shower.  So, if people were going to buy things anyway, I might as well let them know what we would like, right?  So I decided to register for at least a few things for those who might be looking to buy us a gift.

 My first problem was deciding where to register.  This issue is a little harder in Hawaii because many of the big chains (Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc.) do not have stores here.

We just got a Target a few months ago, and since I love Target, I thought it would be perfect!  But then I heard that returning items is difficult there, especially if you don't have a receipt.  Now, I wouldn't necessarily return things that I asked for on my registry, but what if I happen to get multiples with no gift receipt.  To return an item at Target without a receipt, you must exchange it for a single item of equal or greater value in the same department that the item you are returning came from.  On top of that, they take all your personal information and limit you to doing this once or twice a year.  I love Target, but that just sounds like too much of a hassle.

My next choice would be Crate & Barrel or Bed Bath and Beyond, but since there are not physical stores in the state, it may be difficult for guests, especially those who don't feel comfortable buying things online.  Shipping to Hawaii is also expensive.

The only other on-island places I could think of were Macy's and Williams-Sonoma.  Williams-Sonoma seemed too pricey and I just wasn't thrilled about Macy's.  I really wish Costco had a registry because I saw a lot of things I wouldn't mind getting there :)

Right now I'm still undecided about whether or not to register.  Did you register?  Where?  Was it everything you dreamed it to be?

Not "The One"

You may remember that I bought my dress on a whim back when we first got engaged.  I never did the whole dress shopping experience for "the one" and I hadn't even really tried it on before I bought it.  The dress sat in a box at my parents' house before I finally tried it on.  I was worried that I wouldn't like it since I had second thoughts on what kind of dress I wanted.

I finally brought the dress out of the box and tried it on...it fit perfectly and I loved it!  The corset back meant I could adjust the fit to my body, and the length was just right.  All I'd need to do is have it pressed before the big day.  I was so excited and pranced around the house for a bit before taking it off.  I had my mom take a few pictures of me in the dress so I would remember what it looked like as I shopped for accessories.

The next night, my mom emailed me the pictures she had taken.  Eeew!  I didn't like the way I looked in the dress.  I thought maybe it was because I didn't have any make-up on, so I cropped my face out of the picture.  I still didn't like it.  The flared skirt made me look short and stumpy, and I just didn't feel beautiful in it.  I pushed the photos aside and tried to remember how much I liked the dress when I saw it in person, but all I could picture in my mind were those horrible pictures.  I've been debating whether or not to post a picture, and I figured "why not?" -- the whole purpose of doing this blog is to document the wedding planning process -- the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly...

The dress is a little wrinkled, but you get the point.  After mulling over this for a couple weeks, I finally brought up how I was feeling to Mr. Pug.  He didn't understand and didn't think I should spend more money on a second dress.  I talked to my mom about it and we decided to see if we could get the dress altered to be more fitted.  Since I was planning on spending $100 to have the dress pressed before the wedding, I thought this was a good option as they would probably press the dress as part of the alteration process.

I took the dress in to see what a tailor could do.  She pinned the sides to show what it would look like if she took the skirt in a bit, but I didn't see that big of a difference, and the price was more than I was expecting.

I'm still not sure what I should do.  Suck it up and make do with what I have (it doesn't look that bad, right?!) or spend the extra cash to get a dress I really like?  Anyone else end up buying a dress then changing your mind?